The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
