When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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