Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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