the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
