life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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