In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
