Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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