I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
