ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
