i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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