he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
