Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
