: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
