I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
