we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
