4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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