Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
