I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
