Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
