To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
