return my video game
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
