dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
