I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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