He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
