Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
