So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
