I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
should my penis look like a turkey
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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