Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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