can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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