I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
