I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
