Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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