In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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