Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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