She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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