Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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