There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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