I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
