I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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