thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
