This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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