We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
