Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
