Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
