Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
