Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
