you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
