I wish my penis had an off switch
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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