when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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