I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
