i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
