This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
