i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
