I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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