if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
