That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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