Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
