dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
