Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
