what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
