rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
