JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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