i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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