The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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