some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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