so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
