He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
