You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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