brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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