Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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